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Coping with change, the ladder of inference, boundaries and motherhood

Early this year, I had an incident in my son’s childcare centre that marked a turning point for me.

I felt all the mum-guilt being put on my back, and I felt blame for all that was going on. I felt I was failing as a mum for making my son behave like this. I’m sure you, as a mum, have felt like this before. No one can prepare us for this. Am I doing it right? What should I do in these circumstances? Am I being a bitch?

My current mindset is set to look for the lessons, this incident taught me the following:

  1. I need to work on setting boundaries and becoming more assertive.
  2. I must step away from the mum-guilt
  3. My role as a mum is to support my son’s wellbeing and to guide him through change while checking on my own wellbeing as well.

Last February, when I picked my son up from daycare, his main carer told me he’d been looking sad, hadn’t been eating properly, had been hiding from her and not interacting with other kids.

“Something may be upsetting him”; his behaviour had been this way for weeks.

 

She asked me all the routine questions: “Have there been any changes at home?” She also asked a question that triggered me: “Is his daddy still around?” I wanted to say: WTF! That is a personal question. You are crossing boundaries here, and if his daddy is around or not or if there’s no daddy at all is none of your business. 

but.. I didn’t say anything, just left the centre crying, thinking what did I do to upset my son that much! 

 

 

Triggers

When facing a problem, something that sparks an instant reaction, ask yourself, why is this triggering me?* 

Why did it trigger me?

  • Because we made changes at home. I resigned from my corporate job to start a business in order to spend more time with my son, but he clearly didn’t like it because he was upset. I’d better be working full-time, going back to “normal” because I wasn’t doing a good job as a mum since I was causing distress to my son.
  • I was dealing with my own set of changes from being an employee to being a business owner.
  • Because I felt she crossed a professional boundary, and I blame myself because I was always allowing that to happen, “people never respect you, Claudia”
  • Because my whole life I’ve been battling anxiety and depression. Maybe he had inherited this from me or he was projecting me at daycare.

That’s the story my brain created. There’s a need to process and explain everything; it’s how we are wired. However, my conclusions were based on assumptions, not reality.

The Ladder of Inference

“ The Ladder of Inference describes the thinking process that we go through, usually without realizing it, to get from a fact to a decision or action” – Mindtools

I was high up in that ladder, assuming that I was the problem. However, it may not be true at all. In order for me to find the facts, I needed to step down the ladder to find out what was really going on.

Bye, bye, blame, guilt, feeling bad about myself, beating myself up for feeling I was failing as mum. I needed to stop thinking “I don’t want to be a “difficult person” when I asked them to investigate the matter further and decided to take action. I needed to get over the thoughts of being the “annoying mum” because I was concerned for his emotional wellbeing, but then more guilt and anxiety came because “I don’t want to be a helicopter mum.”

Stripping down to facts

Changes at home happened 6 months before this incident, and sure, I was still adjusting, but we were happy spending time together.

There have been changes in the centre in recent weeks: 3 staff members had left and we started toilet training. His closest friends had moved to a different room on another floor once the oldest kids left to start school. One of his favourite carers moved on with his career and left.

I think all the above situations can have massive impact on the life of a then almost 3-year-old and could explain his withdrawal behaviour in the centre.

Defuse your emotions

By defusing my emotions, I was able to think clearly, and then I knew what I had to do.

I was very happy with how the centre handled the situation. They listened to my concerns and supported my request for changing carers. He went to a new room with his old mates and was back to being his usual self. He still enjoys playing solo, but no one is concerned about that, certainly not me.

Changes affect us all… but not all of us cope in the same way.

In my mindset toolkit I keep tools to help me strip down to the facts so I could find a solution. However, how did I fail to recognise my son’s struggles with change?

Are you ready to build your mindset toolkit?

Ask for help, you don’t need to have all the answers

Even though no one prepares you for motherhood, we have people around us who can help us become the parent we want to be. One of them is Jodie Thornton.

Jodie Thornton is a parenting coach who helps mothers build their kids’ emotional skills. She sees this pattern regularly where we adults look to our conditioning first to explain any issues that our kids are experiencing. So daycare educators often look to the most common reasons for a particular behaviour – in this case she may have seen similar behaviour from kids when their parents have separated – and we mothers are quick to assume that the cause must be our failings as mothers, as our culture tells us that we are usually to blame.

“It is that cultural conditioning that is getting in the way of us adults looking to what is happening for kids as individuals in the specific situation they are in” Jodie said.

Our cultural conditioning often goes even further to say that when our kids are experiencing change, that we should just ride it out and accept that our kids are having a hard time, sometimes from a softer space of “they’ll get used to it” and often from the harder energy of “they need to understand the world doesn’t revolve around them”.

While time often does help, in this case with my son while there was a lot of change happening in his life, it turned out that the specific change that had affected him was an issue with this educator which time was not going to solve. Potentially the educator could have improved her relationship with my son but time alone wouldn’t have been enough. If I had chosen to ride out the changes, or if I had been focused on the changes at home, I wouldn’t have realised that a positive relationship with the carer was what my son really needed.

Jodie’s suggestions for helping our kids through change:

  1. Treat any ideas that come up about how the changes are affecting your child as just ideas. 99 children might have the same reaction to a situation but the 100th child might have a different reaction. Our children need support for their specific experience rather than what is likely happening for them based on the situation.
  2. Regularly mention the changes without any agenda for the conversation so that your child is turning their attention to how they are feeling about it. Use sentences that aren’t leading to positive or negative feelings, just stating the facts so that it leaves space for them to share whatever might be coming up for them: “It’s so different at your new daycare” “You used to have Aaron as your carer and now you have Jane” “I’m at home more these days now that I have my business”. Sometimes validating their feelings about the process of change is all that is needed and sometimes you’ll find out new information about what they need to help them thrive through the change.
  3. For young children, creating a scene with toys in play to mirror the changes allows them to role-play to process their feelings, find words to and get creative about what solutions they might like to ask for. So set up the dolls or transformers and say “oh look, this is a kid going to daycare and they are saying goodbye to Aaron because he doesn’t work here anymore. And now here’s Jane, the new carer” This can be a brilliant insight into how your child is feeling and what they’re thinking about the changes.

Once you believe you’ve worked out the cause of their struggle to accept the change, try out a solution and keep an open mind. It’s normal to need to try a few things to help them fully adjust to the change.

And finally, Jodie suggests that you have some support to move through change too. Part of the role of the village in raising our kids is how they support us to process how we feel, to be supported and to lovingly let us know that we might be focusing on blaming ourselves rather than looking impartially at what our kids are really needing right now.

And finally, Jodie suggests that you have some support to move through change too. Part of the role of the village in raising our kids is how they support us to process how we feel, to be supported and to lovingly let us know that we might be focusing on blaming ourselves rather than looking impartially at what our kids are really needing right now.

*Resources available for you right now:

Listen to Jim Fortin’s podcast episode on triggers to start seeing them as blessings. Click here

Book a session with Jodie Thornton and follow her on Facebook. Register to her free webinar: “Getting your kids to listen” here

Check out our resources for kids. (available only in Australia)

Start building your mindset toolkit with us, join the 3-day challenge!

Healing therapies: are online sessions effective?

How busy are you these days? So many things you want to get done but just don’t have the time? It happens to the best of us. There just aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes. There are many things that you can now do online from the comfort of your home, including online shopping, banking online and catching up on the news. There are now also options to have certain appointments via video link on your computer. This has made life a lot easier in that regard as it means you do not need to spend time travelling to and from and it can be a lot more efficient for you.

Appointments such as those with your life coach or business coach or therapist can be done via online video link. Many people wonder if this method is efficient and works in the same way as an in-person appointment would. In our experience, this method is still highly successful for the involved parties and can have a very positive impact on you. There are many reasons why we think that this works and can continue to work moving forward.

Timing

One of the reasons that various appointments seem to take forever is because once you factor in the travel to and from, the parking and then the waiting for your turn – they tend to take forever! The benefit of having your appointment via video link is that you do not need to go anywhere in the lead up to the appointment. You can continue doing your day to day activities in the lead-up and then jump over to the computer once it is time to commence. This means that you are maximizing your time management.

Comfort

Being in the comfort of your own home means that you can make yourself as comfortable as possible for your appointment. Your therapist or coach is not going to mind if you have a blanket wrapped around you during your appointment. They want you to be as comfortable as possible and be in a position where you are happy to talk and release your emotions. This is a lot easier to do in a familiar place where you feel comfortable. You do not need to worry about walking out of the appointment and having people in the waiting room looking at you because you have tears running down your face or because you have become anxiety.

Confidence

Being in a familiar place with things that mean something to you, will help you to release the emotions, talk about the harder issues and push you to build your confidence. You will be more inclined to talk about the harder subjects, knowing that you are in a safe place. Your confidence levels will be boosted and you will be able to push through your boundaries and come up with some great plans and ideas.

Personalised

Being just one on one with your therapist or coach – even via video link gives a much more personal feel. When you have an appointment in an office, even though you are the only two in the room you know that there are a room full of people on the other side of the wall. You know that there will be people who see you walk in and out of the appointment. If you are struggling with self-esteem issues, mental health issues or anxiety, completing your appointments via video link can be very beneficial because it means that you are able to have your appointment and get the help you are seeking without the issue of your anxiety flaring up from being around people.

There are instances where online appointments may not work, for example, if you need to go through paperwork together or if you have an unstable internet connection. However, if you are in a position to do online appointments and your reasons for doing it are beneficial then we highly recommend it. 

It does not matter how you seek the assistance, as long as you find a way that works for both you and your coach and provides you with the answers you are seeking.

How to recognise and overcome your limiting beliefs

How to recognise and overcome your limiting beliefs.

 

Limiting beliefs are formed early in our life. They come from our own experiences while learning this world. They come from society, our family and our ancestors. Today I’m going to fill you in on a few truths, and show you: How to recognise and overcome your limiting beliefs. 

Not all beliefs are bad ones. Some of them are useful and have helped you accomplish a lot in life already. Look around and see what your beliefs have created for you. I’m sure you can name at least 5 things that you are grateful for and you can thank your belief system for that! 

There are beliefs that were useful at one point in your life but when you want to reach another chapter, up-level even, they may be holding you back. Like the belief that being a mother and a professional are mutually exclusive. The belief that men earn more than women or that the only way to make consistent money is to work in an office.

Our own experiences, what we hear and common beliefs help to shape our belief system.

But…….just because the majority of society believes something, it doesn’t mean that it is truth. 

And………..news flash! Just because you believe something, it doesn’t mean that it is a truth.

how-to-recognise-and-overcome-your-limiting-beliefs

Image: Pinterest

Misbeliefs throughout history

The common belief before the 3rd century BC was that Planet Earth was flat. That is was supported upon the backs of elephants and sea turtles. What now seems totally outrageous, back then, everyone accepted as truth. It took one person to challenge that belief and reveal that it just didn’t stack up.

However, even today,  a fair few still think the Earth is flat. They are called the Flat Earthers and believe that all theories that prove that the Earth is round or spherical are wrong. I found the Flat Earthers while researching about the most common strange beliefs, and I was surprised to find these theories. They have very interesting points of view and are convinced that all non flat Earthers are living a lie. There is even a Netflix documentary about this group. Round or flat? How does that belief affect your life?  

Probably not much but I want you to understand one important thing:

For every belief you will find at least one true and one false piece of evidence out there to support the case.

how-to-recognise-and-overcome-your-limiting-beliefs

How to recognise and overcome your limiting beliefs

For every belief you will find at least one true and one false (for and against) statement; or five, or as many as you need to prove it. The human brain is constantly looking for ways to validate our beliefs. 

The question to ask yourself is: How is [insert limiting belief] serving you? 

If the answer reveals that a belief is not serving you, then find statements or examples that prove to you that the opposite of that belief is true.

Here’s an example:

Let’s see how this works in practice…..

Say my friend Greta was a very successful professional, but when she became a mum, her priorities changed. She started hearing everyone saying that being a mum and having a successful corporate career are mutually exclusive. Everyone is saying it, so it must be true that mums with young kids can’t have successful careers. 

Greta defines a successful career as to be in a leadership role, earning six figures or more.

Is this belief serving Greta? No. It’s creating anxiety in her world. Making her feel like she’s failing as a mum and failing as a professional. It’s holding her back from being a successful career woman.

 

Hey Greta, good news, if that belief is not serving you, you can look for examples in that statement to prove that it is in fact false. I’ll help you.

I can name a few Hollywood actresses:  Mindy Kaling, Jennifer Gardner; Jacinda Arden, the Prime Minister of New Zealand or Mary Barra, chairwoman and CEO of General Motors Company.

So…..using just a handful of examples with the women mentioned above, you can see that is actually possible to achieve a successful career and have children.

 

Now the question is, what do you need to do in order to become that person?

how-to-recognise-and-overcome-your-limiting-beliefs

How to recognise and overcome your limiting beliefs

Beliefs vs Facts

We can change a belief but we can’t change a fact.

A fact for Greta’s statement is that the child is going to need someone to care for him/her. Either herself, a nanny or childcare. 

List all your options

What do I require to have a job in the corporate business and be the mum I want to be?

What do I require to build a profitable business and be the mum I want to be?

I can’t do it all, who can help me?

Build your resources.

What can I do to make my life easier?

Which of all these options will make me happier?

That’s a question you need to answer yourself. 

how-to-recognise-and-overcome-your-limiting-beliefs

There is one tool that has helped me to answer that question: The Passion Test. [link: https://wellfulness.life/directory/the-passion-test/

It helped me rank my passions and desires in order of importance, so every time I’m faced with a decision I look at my list and ask myself: will this bring me closer or further ways from my top passions? 

  • Recognise your limiting beliefs. What’s holding you back?
  • List the facts and analyse your options.

There really is a solution for every challenge if you look hard enough.

I hope this blog has shown you how to recognise and overcome your limiting beliefs. Now you can move forward and up-level to become the best version of you and know that the possibilities out there are limitless.

If you’d like to join a like-minded community of women on the road to achieving their goals, head on over to our Facebook community and we can celebrate problem solving and achieving goals together.

My top self-care tip to raise your vibration

 

 

Self-care to raise your vibration

Does this sound familiar? You’re feeling stressed, mercury is in retrograde, the full moon is doing it’s thing and making you feel a little troppo. Nothing seems to be working well. Life is overwhelming. It’s not just one thing. It’s everything!!! I know this oh too well. It’s time to practice my self-care tip to raise your vibration.

Spirituality speaking, your vibration refers to your energetic state. Holistically including your thoughts, beliefs, your physical health and emotions. All these factors contribute to the integrity of your energy field.

When any one of these elements are not at optimal levels, your vibration will be lower and you’ll need to do some work to help lift you back up.

This is not all woo woo talk. This has to do with our fight or flight response to a perceived threat. When you feel stressed or threatened by an external source, that part of your brain gets activated and releases stress hormones that allow you to deal with the problem, either fighting that wild tiger off or heading outta there real quick.

This can be handy when there is a real threat, but not when the threat is created by our thoughts or perceptions of reality and stays with you for longer stretches of time. It takes its toll. So you have to take steps to switch your flight or flight off.

What to do to turn things around and raise your vibration

When I start feeling  “heavy”, like I’m carrying too many worries, negative thoughts, my interactions with people are starting to be less productive. Life feels overwhelming and it all just seems a bit too much.

I know it is time to reset. Cleanse and raise my vibration. I turn things around by enjoying some down time in a beautiful warm bath.

I prefer to do this early in the morning, on a Sunday  at 6 AM, when everyone at home is still, and I know I don’t have to rush to be anywhere.

 

My tips:

  1. Fill the bath with warm water,  as hot you can, with enough water to be comfortable. Sprinkle a serving of Bath mix and drops of essential oils of your choice. I use Happiness or Harmony.
  1. Be sure not to take a shower after the bath so the essential oils can do their work.
  1. Repeat positive affirmations while in there, and practice mindfulness. Thoughts are just thoughts, just let them be, don’t push them away, let them go.

 

Here’s my luxurious recipe:

Salt bath with essential oils! (Yield 4 servings)

Ingredients

  • 1 cup Epsom salt
  • 1 cup pink Himalayan salt
  • 1/2 cup baking soda
  • 20 drops essential oils

Instructions

  1. Combine salts and soda in a jar.
  2. Stir in desired essential oils, if using.
  3. Store in cool, dark place.

It’s important to use only quality, high-grade essential oils. Be careful with cheap essentials oils as they can be either aromatic oils or synthetic oils, reducing the effectiveness of the bath. They still smell good but they may be an irritant to the skin. You won’t achieve the same results, as plant extracts found in quality essential oils have healing properties.

 

Relief of PMS symptoms

Coincidentally, I do this ritual every full moon. It may or may not be coinciding with PMS symptoms, but it is really therapeutic to alleviate these symptoms and nourish our bodies around that time of the month too.

I’m currently obsessed with these two blends from Buckley and Phillips – Happiness and Harmonise (available in our shop).

Both blends have essential oils that have spiritual and emotional healing properties.

The Happiness blend contains: Bergamot, Grapefruit, Clary Sage, Geranium, Orange, Melissa

And the Harmonise blend contains: Orange, Cedarwood, Clove, Patchouli, Nutmeg, Sandalwood

All beautiful plant derived ingredients to soothe, nourish and heal your body, mind and soul.

If you can see yourself needing some much needed self-care to raise your vibration and lift you back up to where you want to be, but would prefer to get the mix for the ‘Bath Salts to Raise Vibrations’ delivered to your door, you can purchase a 5 bath mix at only $35 (free shipping)  >> shop here >>

In this fast-paced life, when we play so many roles and have to be and do ALL of ‘the things’, it’s so important to recognise when you’re needing to take some time out for you and replenish yourself. Let’s face it, these things don’t come passively. We have to take time to lift ourselves up so we can achieve our goals and be there for those close to us.

If you’d like to experience my recommended quality oil blends, you can have a browse here

Note: You should always use essential oils with caution if you are pregnant, be sure to consult a professional. I recommend steering clear of all oils except lavender during pregnancy.

After using Bergamot essential oil, it’s recommended that you don’t have exposure to excessive sunlight for up to 12 hours.

 

 

overcome the impostor syndrome, clear your limiting beliefs and reach that next level in your life. You are enough today!

Healthy Diets with Meal Plans You Should Try in 2019

On the 1st January 2019, Inc.com published a survey showing that the top three most common New Year Resolutions were Diet or eat healthier (71%), Exercise more (65%), Lose weight (54%)

That doesn’t seem long ago at all. I don’t want to scare you all but we are almost at the end of the first quarter of 2019 (how did this happen?) and if you are like most people you are nowhere near accomplishing your New Year Resolution.  No room for excuses or blame, not naming and shaming either!

Let's do something about it! : Set a date to start

If you don’t set a date, you won’t ever start. Let’s do it, it only takes commitment and determination.

Take it one day at a time

Most of the programs are 12-week long. Looking at it as a whole you may start thinking about the many birthday parties or social gatherings you have between the start and the end of those 12 weeks. The drinks, food, oh no the cake!

Start today and take it one day at a time; after feeling and looking great you won’t even think of that cake the way you do now and you’ll learn to eat mindfully.

I tried so many diet program in my life and some of them were too restrictive for me. I don't believe in excluding food groups, all food is good food and is equally important. That is why Paleo, Keto, Atkins diets don’t work for me. From time to time we look at the same concept with some kind of variation. Dukan, I’m looking at you.

Dr Dukan, Can I eat pasta pretty pleaaaaaseeeeee???!!

I actually signed up for the one-on-one Dukan Diet personalised coaching. The Dukan diet is based on 4 phases:  attack, cruise, consolidation and stabilisation.

In the attack phase, I was only allowed to lean protein, unlimited amounts of it.  In the Cruise phase, I was able to alternate lean protein and non-starchy veggies. The consolidation phase was the one where you can eat unlimited lean protein and veggies, some carbs and fats and the stabilisation phase which is the one that forms the way you should eat the rest of your life.

I didn’t make it pass the cruise phase. I wrote to the coaches begging them to allow me to eat pasta! #truestory  Funny enough they allow me a teeny tiny bit of it but they suggested I should try to stay away from it during the rest of the program. That’s it. We broke up right there, you can’t talk ill about my pasta!!  I knew this wasn’t for me. Also, it wasn’t practical. Cooking the food took me ages and WTF crème fraîche is anyway! When I followed this diet, this product wasn’t widely available in the shops. This and other ingredients were not easy to get either.

My culinary skills and imagination are close to zero; I’m sure if I had a French Chef cooking for me every day it would’ve been easier. I can’t imagine doing this now that I am a mum.

The 5:2 it doesn’t work because I suffer on the days I have to fast! I feel anxious just thinking about it. What I like to do now is to include now a low-calorie day once a week and two meat-free days.

I can’t do this “shock your body” things with unnatural products either. Taking supplements is not for me. Teas, Lemon detoxes, pills are out of the equation.

I’m not going to lie, I drink protein shakes from time to time because sometimes I don't have time to have breakfast and this is a way to make sure I don’t skip a meal. My favourite is Bondi Protein but I’d like to try The Healthy Mummy ones and also their Weight Loss program because they seem to have worked for a lot of women (look at the pictures, they show amazing results).  So I haven’t tried that program yet but I followed other ones that I’m sharing below.

These are the ones that worked for me in different stages of my life, they are not restrictive and don’t require a chef cooking for you every day:

Metabolic Renewal - Dr Jade Teta

I loved the exercises! 15 minute three times a week is all that you need. Perfect!

This program is designed with women’s metabolism in mind. It keeps you going all day, put cravings at bay and his program caters for women at any metabolic stage of her life. The trick here is to find out how your female hormones and metabolism reacts to different foods and exercises because what works for one woman may backfire for another.

Dr Jade Teta’s questionnaire will help you find out which is the best way for your body to burn fat the fastest based on how your own hormones and metabolism actually works.

Take the quiz now or find out more about how this work here: click here.

CSIRO Wellbeing Program

This an Australian diet with everyday ingredients with easy to find and cook ingredients. The CSIRO diet includes all food groups and promotes safe and sustainable weight loss. Best of all: they allow you to eat chocolate and drink wine!! Yes, you read it, one or the other, little bits but at least you could still have it!

You may probably have seen the books in the shops for long now but currently, they have an online version that makes everything so much easier! And best of all, they offer a FULL REFUND when you successfully complete the program! That sounds pretty good to me.

Do you want a taste? How good these good boys look?

Download the Free Recipe Ebook.  If you make it, share it with us in our Facebook group

10 Day Weight Release Program

This is a Wellfulness exclusive.  This program will change the way you see food and healthy eating. Dieting doesn’t mean starving. You can have a burger for lunch. I’m not ashamed to say that burgers are one of my favourite food and this diet allow me to have it and still achieve my weight goals.

In only 10 days you can lose up to 5 kg with the bonus of a hypnosis weight release audio to help you keep on track.  Willpower is not an endless resource and the hypnosis audio will replenish it. Hypnotherapy is so helpful when you want to achieve a goal; it helps you create new wirings in your brain, helping you to break habits, topping up your willpower by visualising the outcome. Hypnosis is a good and safe way to create new programming in your brain.

I first followed this diet when I was getting married. I bought a dress one size down from my size and I was freaking out. I also wanted my wedding pictures not to be a reminder of my struggles with weight.  Last time I did it was last year, to lose the baby weight and fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes.

This diet will be the perfect start for anyone who doesn't like meal prep but wanting to healthily trim down a few kgs.

All the diet programs above mentioned are easy to follow,  ingredients are easy to get, easy to cook, are practical and don’t mess much with your lifestyle. I seriously didn’t miss much or craved anything during the time I was on these diets. I also didn’t even need to tell anyone that I was on a diet, which was great because there were no chances of people trying to sabotage it.

One thing to note is that there’s no such thing as one size fits all approach when it comes to losing weight. Results will vary depending on the metabolism of each person; it is always best to work with a nutritionist or dietitian to tailor a plan for you and always consult with your doctor or medical professional before starting any fitness program to make sure you don’t have any health conditions playing up with your weight.

However results may vary from person to person, with the above mentioned programs, you can still achieve positive results.

I’m sure there are many more healthy and good options in the market but these three are the ones I’ve tried and can recommend so far.

If you need help with setting and achieving your goals in 2019, click here

xx,

Claudia

Disclaimer: I am just a regular mum, not a fitness model or anything like that. I still have some weight to let go but I’m happy with where I am at with my body. I still follow these diets and recipes because I like them. My next one to try is The Healthy Mummy one. I’ll report back!  The above contains affiliate links but I only recommend what I have tested or considered using myself.

Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Creating Resistance or Surrendering to the Experience. Choose Wisely

The past few weeks have not been great ones,  I’ve been chasing my tail with resistance showing up as procrastination, sabotaging myself with decisions (or the lack of them) and a few hiccups that go along with my low vibrations. I'm usually pretty good at getting out of this funk but I reached a new level.

I know that when I reach this point it is time to call for help and identify the block(s) that is(are) holding me back;  otherwise I’ll go in circles, digging a hole that deep that will limit my choices so before it happens I know that I have to stop it right there,  raise my hand and ask for help. I actually asked the universe to show me the right person to help me this time and Kathryn Galloway from Phoenix Intuitive Healing showed up.

It’s amazing how the Universe works, our conversation almost didn't happen, (Mercury retrograde?) but I'm glad it did.  We had the most amazing chat with lots and lots of ah-ha moments.

First one, with the amount of self-development work I’ve done over the past 15 years, I should be able to get out of the hole myself. Even healers need to heal so why should I be excluded?

Change is constant because we are constantly growing our souls, I think that is the whole purpose of our existence.

Kathryn is a psychic and intuitive coach and she is amazing! She didn’t know me prior to our call but spot on described what was holding me back, giving me an accurate picture of my problem and gave me pointers on what to do next.

Amongst other things, one of my problems was that I’ve been trying to micromanage the universe saying you need to do this and this way. The universe responds to my desires but not the way I wanted it to respond and that made me angry and not being grateful for it and creating resistance as a result.

I find it easier to accept an event when I have initiated it.  When someone else initiates change that affects me, my first reaction is to resist. However, everything that shows up in my life is the result of a vibration or, as Ho'oponopono says it, data in me.

Master Ho'oponopono with Dr Hew Len and Dr Joe Vitale

It may be an old memory that I don't like or  I may be not aware of that that has gone deep underground; like anger or hurt that I did not acknowledge at the time I first experienced it. I brushed it off and keep repeating the pattern because I failed to learn from it.

When we try to suppress emotion (especially one we've judged as negative or dangerous) it does not go away, it goes into our subconscious mind where it silently sabotages our life by setting up resistance which invites more negative experiences or at the very least not making any progress, not the one we wanted.

Resistance doesn't just put on the brakes to accomplish our goals but also disconnects us from listening to our inner voice, our true self. We lose our sense of wholeness. We feel disconnected from our true essence (higher self, or God or the Divine or however you want to call it). This disconnection begins to show up in how we feel about ourselves and how we relate to others. Soon, we begin to pick up arguments with everyone around us and blaming them for the situation. Had this ever happen to you?

What can we do about resistance?

Should we resist resistance?  That doesn't work either!  If we notice resistance and try to suppress it or resist it, we create MORE!

Acceptance is transcendence
Osho

The alternative is acceptance. Not resignation, but surrendering to the experience, going with the flow.

Change is bound to happen. People are going to make choices that may affect our lives and we are going to make choices which have an effect on others. 

How to know that you are creating resistance?

Take a few moments to notice resistance in your body, mind or emotions. How do you feel it?  Procrastination? Stress? Blockage? Frustration? Confusion? Anger? Yes, all those feelings are evidence of resistance.

Overcoming Resistance

There are many ways to overcome resistance like Hypnotherapy, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) which is one of my recent discoveries, Ho'oponopono but this time what I need to heal is my energy.

If you are experiencing resistance; it’s okay, you are growing and resistance is perfectly normal. Don’t dwell on it; surrender to the experience, change is going to happen. Use one of the techniques above mentioned, learn, feel it, overcome it. We all know that success is on the other side of that resistance.

If you want to work with Kathryn, I 100% recommend her, she is amazing! She didn’t know me prior to our call but spot on gave me an accurate description of the problem that is holding me back from achieving my goals and gave me pointers on what to do next. Contact Kathryn on her Facebook page.

[This post contains sponsored links but I test all that I recommend]

5 Ways to Celebrate Chinese New Year and Improve your Wealth

Happy New Year! Wishing you Health, Wealth and Prosperity in this New Lunar Year of the Pig

The Year of the Earth Pig starts today, 5th February 2019, and ends on 24th January 2020.  

Good News! This is going to be a great year. In Chinese culture, pigs are the symbol of wealth;  it is a great year to make money, a good year to invest and a year where we are we are encouraged to find what makes us happy and do more of it.

Feng Shui, a Chinese art and science, is central in this New Year’s celebration being its main goal to create harmonious relationship between a person and his/her environment that will bring him/her wealth and wellness.  It is based on a Taoist idea that nature is alive and has energy in different forms.

Wealth in Feng Shui is not all about getting rich,  it is also means prosperity in your relationships and your health.

I’ve been a Feng Shui enthusiast for more than a decade and even though I am not a Chinese descendent I have big admiration for  this wonderful ancient culture and its connection with the cosmos and the environment.

Keep in mind that Feng Shui is only one third of the total cosmic trinity and success is determined by other factors like your efforts and willpower.

The Feng Shui practice can be as  as complicated or as simple as you want it to be. There are simple steps you can follow to bring harmony to your life or more complicated practices at more sophisticated level like  people planning it’s edifications around this.

5 Ways to Celebrate the Chinese New Year and welcome wealth and happiness into our life:

Clean up!

Yes! Declutter, declutter, declutter. Everything broken or not working should be out of your house. That way you’ll be saying out with the old and welcoming a new and fresh start. However, today is a day of celebrating not cleaning but keep it in mind as decluttering will bring good energy to your place.

Eat Dumplings

It is customary to eat dumplings in the New Year’s Eve, the 1st and the 5th day of the New Year to welcome wealth in the coming year. I think my family will be pretty happy with this one! We love dumplings!

Decorate with red items and wear red too!

Red is the colour for good luck; decorate with red lanterns with golden symbols and wear read or bright colours and try to avoid black or white just for today.

Watch the Dragon & Lion Dance

Oftenly mixed up, the Lion Dance has usually two acrobat performers inside a costume. Dragons often require more performers as it is a longer costume. They both dance to the tune of a band playing drums and gongs very loudly with the intention to scare away bad intentioned spirits.

Share a Meal with your Family and Friends

As in every other celebration date what is better than to have your family and/or friends together to share the joy. Avoid complaining and negative words, be grateful and positive to keep the good vibes up

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

My Experience with Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is a real thing and it can happen to anyone and you don’t need to be a public person, it happened to me and my family.

You hear all these stories about online bullying and they seem so distant, you feel sorry that these things happen but you would never expect that it will happen to you. Because you lay low, you don’t ruffle any feathers, you are a nice and respectful person and you expect nothing but the same in return.

One of my fears is the fear of being hurt.  

I thought cyberbullies will never find me; if I play it “safe”, I won’t be the subject of any bullying and I won’t get hurt. It may feel safe but it isn’t; mostly because my heart still hurt when I see stories like Constance Hall (video at the end of this post) and more so when I read teenagers not coping and losing the battle. I hurt. Most of the time you are only aware of these issues when it is too late. But no more! We all need to come forward, share our experiences and support each other. 

Lay low and you won’t get hurt is a lie.

Here is what happened

Last December my husband commented on a post in one of his industry’s Facebook groups and everything went wild!

It doesn’t matter who this person is or what was said because it’s not about taking sides. Just for the sake of being fair, I’m posting the whole conversation (I’ve blocked names and pictures to avoid further complications)

I wasn’t annoyed by what he said. What annoyed me is that he went the extra mile to keep his threats after he was banned from the Facebook group where all these started. I'm listed as his wife so he contacted me via messenger. He didn't hesitate to send me screenshots of the whole conversation and include further threats of contacting my husband’s employer so he can be sacked. He took it too far.

But the real problem was when I downloaded the screenshots he sent, I was really scared, my heart sunked!

He had posted pictures of our son.

and he made clear threats.

That day it was real for me: the online world is not a safe place.

My husband didn’t say anything wrong, we were not in fear of him losing his job over this issue. He just gave his personal opinion and everyone should be entitled to that and someone that can’t deal with criticism, well, shouldn't be posting in a public forum asking for one.

What scared me the most is that everything is online, our contact details, email addresses, home address, everything. A person going through that amount of effort is capable of more things or maybe he just let his emotions controlled him.

This is just one example of what a person’s derailing emotions are capable of doing. I still don’t understand this kind of behaviour and I probably never will.

And it’s never about you, it’s about them

I can only assume that my husband’s opinion of his work triggered some hidden insecurities and that was why he reacted how he reacted. I’m not sure if this person is good or bad or a troll or he just had a bad day (or week)

Facebook did the right thing, he couldn’t contact me any further and after becoming aware of this issue, we blocked him.

Facebook knew that something was going on and put protective measures. I didn’t accept the message, blocked and reported him.

Unfortunately, we can’t stop this from happening.

We can’t stop people from being nasty. I do all sorts of meditations and self-care to keep my vibrations up and keep these kind people away from us but still, some people filter through.

Mean people exist and that good people behave badly sometimes and bad people can behave well sometimes too. The online world just exposes to all these in a broader way.

Ignoring the bullies, banning them, pretending they don’t exist will never work. They are real!

Shouting from the rooftops “be nice” will create a hypocrite society with people smiling at you while talking ill behind your back. The change has to come from within, from inside us, a real change. Think before acting. Breathe, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.

You, me, everyone deserves RESPECT.

Cyberbullying can be a crime. The NSW Police Public Site lists these actions to take if you are a victim of cyberbullying

  • Block the person who is doing the bullying
  • Keep a record of threatening or intimidating messages
  • Contact police about any threatening or intimidating messages
  • Report the person to the social media platform
  • Don’t reply to bullies – that’s what they want
  • Check your privacy settings
  • Talk to someone you trust about the situation

What did I do?

  • Mindfulness helped me cope with this situation. As you can imagine my imagination flew and showed me all sorts of scary situations that were not real. I defuse myself from those thoughts and didn’t let them develop any further. If I let these thoughts escalate then anxiety will kick in and it will be downhill from there. I used the “Leave on a stream” technique.
  • I didn't take it personal and I didn’t blame my husband or myself for any of these.
  • This happens and the internet may not be the safe space that I used to think it is, but I also met wonderful people and the ratio is still favourable, there are more good people than bad. I decided to focus on the positive and be grateful for the good people I met.
  • I evaluated my options, contacting the police was one of them.

PS: Constance Hall’s video about cyberbullying inspired me to write this.

Are your ready to welcome miracles into your life?

 
Our subconscious mind rules our world and becoming aware of the limiting beliefs that are preventing us from achieving our goals will help us reverse the mistakes we are making.
 
Your current set of belief are the ones that are ruling your life and are creating your current reality. Interesting enough, your belief system influences your behaviour and the behaviours of others. Just notice when you are having a good day, everything seems to flow nicely isn't it? You may  find parking close to the supermarket door or you strangers smiling back at you. Like this:
 

 
Those beliefs are embedded in your unconcious mind, you get them from society, your community, parents and your own experiences.  Some of those beliefs help you thrive but some others can  be sabotaging your happiness, prosperity and success,  
 
Bestselling authors Marci Shimoff, Sue Morter, and Lisa Garr share with us the proven formula that reverses the top 4 unconscious mistakes so you can start living your life in The Miracle Zone! You'll learn how to easily shift your daily habits to make yourself a magnet for miracles.
 

It’s your time to start living a miraculous life!

 

You might already know Marci, Sue and Lisa.

What you probably don’t know is how they each struggled with their own low self-esteem, unfulfilling relationships, and lack of happiness and fulfillment until they discovered this formula for living in The Miracle Zone.

In this ebook, they share their deeply personal journeys of how they went from their “dark night of the soul” experiences to a place of deep healing.

Plus, Marci, Sue and Lisa give you simple, actionable steps to quickly reverse the unconscious behaviors that are blocking miracles from showing up in your life.

If you are ready to:

  • Put an end to the unconscious behavior
  • Transform self-criticism into self-love
  • Begin the effortless flow of miracles into your life!

 

If you want 2019 to be your year filled with abundance, deep fulfillment, and juicy relationships, then this is an ebook you need to read

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. We only promote techniques that we know works, either by our own experience or by trusted testimonial of people close to us.

Recipe for Success: Set and Actually Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions in 2019

Last day of 2018!! So exciting.

If you were following us on Instagram, we were doing a few things in preparation to successfully setting our New Year's resolution and sticking to them.

I detailed them here:

Gratitude

Look back to 2018, there were many lessons to be learned. Make a list of all what you have achieved this year! Wow! Well done, good job!⁣ ⁣ Look around and name one thing you are grateful for. Now, think of 5!

Stop the Victim Mentality.

Do you know that you are in control of your own life? You can’t control how it all happens but you can steer yourself in the direction you are going. Stop being on the passenger’s seat of your own life, take the steering wheel and enjoy the ride.

Forgiveness

let’s free ourselves from emotional baggage.  Forgiving does not mean forgetting, condoning or assuming fault but letting go the resentment and get on with our lives. Download the Forgivess Step by Step Plan to help you with the process or read more in the blog.



With a refreshed mindset and a more peaceful soul, it is time to establish new resolutions for 2019!

Think about where you want to be financially, spiritually and physically at the end of 2019.

Your first step is to write down what exactly it is you that you want. Personal development or fitness or whatever is burning inside you and simply can no longer postpone, write it down.

Be Specific

I want to have more money and I want to be fit won’t cut it, it is too broad, your brain will take it as unattainable and too abstract, it will not even pursue it.

Let’s be more specific! I want to increase my income by 30%, I want to run the Sydney City to Surf  (running 14km from Hyde Park in Sydney's CBD to the finish line at Bondi Beach, NSW, Australia)  in August, I want to reduce 10 cm of my waist circumference. You got the idea.

And you know any of these will happen unless you take action, right?

Cool!

Plan it!

So how exactly are you going to implement these changes?  You are going to have a Plan of Action.

A plan of action is critical to your success.  Without a plan it is only a thought. When you add your wishes and thoughts to paper, combined it with an urge to see them become realities so you make a plan and proceed to do everything possible to take action, you have a template for success.

Be Realistic

It is important to note that your plan should have a realistic time frame.  For example, if your resolution is to trim down 10 kg, it is unrealistic to believe you can healthily do it in 3 days.

However, it is possible to healthily release 10 kg in 12 weeks with a proper plan. Set a realistic goal and break it down to healthy and achievable smaller milestones, say “X” kg per month (or what your doctor or training coach suggests).

Break it Down into Achievable Tasks

Now that you know what your specific desire is, list the ways in which you plan on achieving optimum results.  For example, if one of your resolutions was to get another job with a better offer or for career advancement. Then, think of the steps you need to follow like: update your resume, work on your interview skills, maybe engage a career coach or gain a new skill to take the next step on your career.

Answer these questions:

  • What do I have to do in order to achieve my goal?  
  • What do I need to do to see this plan come to completion?
  • Do I have all the resources I need to be successful in accomplishing this goal?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Set up a schedule outlining each step that needs to be taken daily to achieve weekly goals.  Be specific. Create a "to do" list, with short and easy actionable steps and hold yourself accountable.  At the end of the week you will be able to see how much you were able to accomplish. Congratulate yourself for each accomplishment.

Celebrate your Achievements!

Have your own personal reward system in place.  Know what each reward will be for each accomplishment that you have fulfilled throughout your plan.  With every desired result you achieve there should be a reward for having done so. An incentive plan customized to your wants.

Have a backup plan when things don’t go your way and for setbacks (mine is self-care and meditation with the aim to raise my vibrations). Do not let yourself get disheartened.  If you have a temporary lapse or deviation from the plan acknowledge it and continue to move forward with your plan.

Change takes time, patience and perseverance.

Take the time to nurture and understand it. Success is a process and will not be achieved in one day, trust in your plan of action, your plan is your future.

Happy New Year!

With love and appreciation,