Coping with change, the ladder of inference, boundaries and motherhood

Early this year, I had an incident in my son’s childcare centre that marked a turning point for me.

I felt all the mum-guilt being put on my back, and I felt blame for all that was going on. I felt I was failing as a mum for making my son behave like this. I’m sure you, as a mum, have felt like this before. No one can prepare us for this. Am I doing it right? What should I do in these circumstances? Am I being a bitch?

My current mindset is set to look for the lessons, this incident taught me the following:

  1. I need to work on setting boundaries and becoming more assertive.
  2. I must step away from the mum-guilt
  3. My role as a mum is to support my son’s wellbeing and to guide him through change while checking on my own wellbeing as well.

Last February, when I picked my son up from daycare, his main carer told me he’d been looking sad, hadn’t been eating properly, had been hiding from her and not interacting with other kids.

“Something may be upsetting him”; his behaviour had been this way for weeks.

 

She asked me all the routine questions: “Have there been any changes at home?” She also asked a question that triggered me: “Is his daddy still around?” I wanted to say: WTF! That is a personal question. You are crossing boundaries here, and if his daddy is around or not or if there’s no daddy at all is none of your business. 

but.. I didn’t say anything, just left the centre crying, thinking what did I do to upset my son that much! 

 

 

Triggers

When facing a problem, something that sparks an instant reaction, ask yourself, why is this triggering me?* 

Why did it trigger me?

  • Because we made changes at home. I resigned from my corporate job to start a business in order to spend more time with my son, but he clearly didn’t like it because he was upset. I’d better be working full-time, going back to “normal” because I wasn’t doing a good job as a mum since I was causing distress to my son.
  • I was dealing with my own set of changes from being an employee to being a business owner.
  • Because I felt she crossed a professional boundary, and I blame myself because I was always allowing that to happen, “people never respect you, Claudia”
  • Because my whole life I’ve been battling anxiety and depression. Maybe he had inherited this from me or he was projecting me at daycare.

That’s the story my brain created. There’s a need to process and explain everything; it’s how we are wired. However, my conclusions were based on assumptions, not reality.

The Ladder of Inference

“ The Ladder of Inference describes the thinking process that we go through, usually without realizing it, to get from a fact to a decision or action” – Mindtools

I was high up in that ladder, assuming that I was the problem. However, it may not be true at all. In order for me to find the facts, I needed to step down the ladder to find out what was really going on.

Bye, bye, blame, guilt, feeling bad about myself, beating myself up for feeling I was failing as mum. I needed to stop thinking “I don’t want to be a “difficult person” when I asked them to investigate the matter further and decided to take action. I needed to get over the thoughts of being the “annoying mum” because I was concerned for his emotional wellbeing, but then more guilt and anxiety came because “I don’t want to be a helicopter mum.”

Stripping down to facts

Changes at home happened 6 months before this incident, and sure, I was still adjusting, but we were happy spending time together.

There have been changes in the centre in recent weeks: 3 staff members had left and we started toilet training. His closest friends had moved to a different room on another floor once the oldest kids left to start school. One of his favourite carers moved on with his career and left.

I think all the above situations can have massive impact on the life of a then almost 3-year-old and could explain his withdrawal behaviour in the centre.

Defuse your emotions

By defusing my emotions, I was able to think clearly, and then I knew what I had to do.

I was very happy with how the centre handled the situation. They listened to my concerns and supported my request for changing carers. He went to a new room with his old mates and was back to being his usual self. He still enjoys playing solo, but no one is concerned about that, certainly not me.

Changes affect us all… but not all of us cope in the same way.

In my mindset toolkit I keep tools to help me strip down to the facts so I could find a solution. However, how did I fail to recognise my son’s struggles with change?

Are you ready to build your mindset toolkit?

Ask for help, you don’t need to have all the answers

Even though no one prepares you for motherhood, we have people around us who can help us become the parent we want to be. One of them is Jodie Thornton.

Jodie Thornton is a parenting coach who helps mothers build their kids’ emotional skills. She sees this pattern regularly where we adults look to our conditioning first to explain any issues that our kids are experiencing. So daycare educators often look to the most common reasons for a particular behaviour – in this case she may have seen similar behaviour from kids when their parents have separated – and we mothers are quick to assume that the cause must be our failings as mothers, as our culture tells us that we are usually to blame.

“It is that cultural conditioning that is getting in the way of us adults looking to what is happening for kids as individuals in the specific situation they are in” Jodie said.

Our cultural conditioning often goes even further to say that when our kids are experiencing change, that we should just ride it out and accept that our kids are having a hard time, sometimes from a softer space of “they’ll get used to it” and often from the harder energy of “they need to understand the world doesn’t revolve around them”.

While time often does help, in this case with my son while there was a lot of change happening in his life, it turned out that the specific change that had affected him was an issue with this educator which time was not going to solve. Potentially the educator could have improved her relationship with my son but time alone wouldn’t have been enough. If I had chosen to ride out the changes, or if I had been focused on the changes at home, I wouldn’t have realised that a positive relationship with the carer was what my son really needed.

Jodie’s suggestions for helping our kids through change:

  1. Treat any ideas that come up about how the changes are affecting your child as just ideas. 99 children might have the same reaction to a situation but the 100th child might have a different reaction. Our children need support for their specific experience rather than what is likely happening for them based on the situation.
  2. Regularly mention the changes without any agenda for the conversation so that your child is turning their attention to how they are feeling about it. Use sentences that aren’t leading to positive or negative feelings, just stating the facts so that it leaves space for them to share whatever might be coming up for them: “It’s so different at your new daycare” “You used to have Aaron as your carer and now you have Jane” “I’m at home more these days now that I have my business”. Sometimes validating their feelings about the process of change is all that is needed and sometimes you’ll find out new information about what they need to help them thrive through the change.
  3. For young children, creating a scene with toys in play to mirror the changes allows them to role-play to process their feelings, find words to and get creative about what solutions they might like to ask for. So set up the dolls or transformers and say “oh look, this is a kid going to daycare and they are saying goodbye to Aaron because he doesn’t work here anymore. And now here’s Jane, the new carer” This can be a brilliant insight into how your child is feeling and what they’re thinking about the changes.

Once you believe you’ve worked out the cause of their struggle to accept the change, try out a solution and keep an open mind. It’s normal to need to try a few things to help them fully adjust to the change.

And finally, Jodie suggests that you have some support to move through change too. Part of the role of the village in raising our kids is how they support us to process how we feel, to be supported and to lovingly let us know that we might be focusing on blaming ourselves rather than looking impartially at what our kids are really needing right now.

And finally, Jodie suggests that you have some support to move through change too. Part of the role of the village in raising our kids is how they support us to process how we feel, to be supported and to lovingly let us know that we might be focusing on blaming ourselves rather than looking impartially at what our kids are really needing right now.

*Resources available for you right now:

Listen to Jim Fortin’s podcast episode on triggers to start seeing them as blessings. Click here

Book a session with Jodie Thornton and follow her on Facebook. Register to her free webinar: “Getting your kids to listen” here

Check out our resources for kids. (available only in Australia)

Start building your mindset toolkit with us, join the 3-day challenge!

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Healing therapies: are online sessions effective?

How busy are you these days? So many things you want to get done but just don’t have the time? It happens to the best of us. There just aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes. There are many things that you can now do online from the comfort of your home, including online shopping, banking online and catching up on the news. There are now also options to have certain appointments via video link on your computer. This has made life a lot easier in that regard as it means you do not need to spend time travelling to and from and it can be a lot more efficient for you.

Appointments such as those with your life coach or business coach or therapist can be done via online video link. Many people wonder if this method is efficient and works in the same way as an in-person appointment would. In our experience, this method is still highly successful for the involved parties and can have a very positive impact on you. There are many reasons why we think that this works and can continue to work moving forward.

Timing

One of the reasons that various appointments seem to take forever is because once you factor in the travel to and from, the parking and then the waiting for your turn – they tend to take forever! The benefit of having your appointment via video link is that you do not need to go anywhere in the lead up to the appointment. You can continue doing your day to day activities in the lead-up and then jump over to the computer once it is time to commence. This means that you are maximizing your time management.

Comfort

Being in the comfort of your own home means that you can make yourself as comfortable as possible for your appointment. Your therapist or coach is not going to mind if you have a blanket wrapped around you during your appointment. They want you to be as comfortable as possible and be in a position where you are happy to talk and release your emotions. This is a lot easier to do in a familiar place where you feel comfortable. You do not need to worry about walking out of the appointment and having people in the waiting room looking at you because you have tears running down your face or because you have become anxiety.

Confidence

Being in a familiar place with things that mean something to you, will help you to release the emotions, talk about the harder issues and push you to build your confidence. You will be more inclined to talk about the harder subjects, knowing that you are in a safe place. Your confidence levels will be boosted and you will be able to push through your boundaries and come up with some great plans and ideas.

Personalised

Being just one on one with your therapist or coach – even via video link gives a much more personal feel. When you have an appointment in an office, even though you are the only two in the room you know that there are a room full of people on the other side of the wall. You know that there will be people who see you walk in and out of the appointment. If you are struggling with self-esteem issues, mental health issues or anxiety, completing your appointments via video link can be very beneficial because it means that you are able to have your appointment and get the help you are seeking without the issue of your anxiety flaring up from being around people.

There are instances where online appointments may not work, for example, if you need to go through paperwork together or if you have an unstable internet connection. However, if you are in a position to do online appointments and your reasons for doing it are beneficial then we highly recommend it. 

It does not matter how you seek the assistance, as long as you find a way that works for both you and your coach and provides you with the answers you are seeking.

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Healthy Diets with Meal Plans You Should Try in 2019

On the 1st January 2019, Inc.com published a survey showing that the top three most common New Year Resolutions were Diet or eat healthier (71%), Exercise more (65%), Lose weight (54%)

That doesn’t seem long ago at all. I don’t want to scare you all but we are almost at the end of the first quarter of 2019 (how did this happen?) and if you are like most people you are nowhere near accomplishing your New Year Resolution.  No room for excuses or blame, not naming and shaming either!

Let's do something about it! : Set a date to start

If you don’t set a date, you won’t ever start. Let’s do it, it only takes commitment and determination.

Take it one day at a time

Most of the programs are 12-week long. Looking at it as a whole you may start thinking about the many birthday parties or social gatherings you have between the start and the end of those 12 weeks. The drinks, food, oh no the cake!

Start today and take it one day at a time; after feeling and looking great you won’t even think of that cake the way you do now and you’ll learn to eat mindfully.

I tried so many diet program in my life and some of them were too restrictive for me. I don't believe in excluding food groups, all food is good food and is equally important. That is why Paleo, Keto, Atkins diets don’t work for me. From time to time we look at the same concept with some kind of variation. Dukan, I’m looking at you.

Dr Dukan, Can I eat pasta pretty pleaaaaaseeeeee???!!

I actually signed up for the one-on-one Dukan Diet personalised coaching. The Dukan diet is based on 4 phases:  attack, cruise, consolidation and stabilisation.

In the attack phase, I was only allowed to lean protein, unlimited amounts of it.  In the Cruise phase, I was able to alternate lean protein and non-starchy veggies. The consolidation phase was the one where you can eat unlimited lean protein and veggies, some carbs and fats and the stabilisation phase which is the one that forms the way you should eat the rest of your life.

I didn’t make it pass the cruise phase. I wrote to the coaches begging them to allow me to eat pasta! #truestory  Funny enough they allow me a teeny tiny bit of it but they suggested I should try to stay away from it during the rest of the program. That’s it. We broke up right there, you can’t talk ill about my pasta!!  I knew this wasn’t for me. Also, it wasn’t practical. Cooking the food took me ages and WTF crème fraîche is anyway! When I followed this diet, this product wasn’t widely available in the shops. This and other ingredients were not easy to get either.

My culinary skills and imagination are close to zero; I’m sure if I had a French Chef cooking for me every day it would’ve been easier. I can’t imagine doing this now that I am a mum.

The 5:2 it doesn’t work because I suffer on the days I have to fast! I feel anxious just thinking about it. What I like to do now is to include now a low-calorie day once a week and two meat-free days.

I can’t do this “shock your body” things with unnatural products either. Taking supplements is not for me. Teas, Lemon detoxes, pills are out of the equation.

I’m not going to lie, I drink protein shakes from time to time because sometimes I don't have time to have breakfast and this is a way to make sure I don’t skip a meal. My favourite is Bondi Protein but I’d like to try The Healthy Mummy ones and also their Weight Loss program because they seem to have worked for a lot of women (look at the pictures, they show amazing results).  So I haven’t tried that program yet but I followed other ones that I’m sharing below.

These are the ones that worked for me in different stages of my life, they are not restrictive and don’t require a chef cooking for you every day:

Metabolic Renewal - Dr Jade Teta

I loved the exercises! 15 minute three times a week is all that you need. Perfect!

This program is designed with women’s metabolism in mind. It keeps you going all day, put cravings at bay and his program caters for women at any metabolic stage of her life. The trick here is to find out how your female hormones and metabolism reacts to different foods and exercises because what works for one woman may backfire for another.

Dr Jade Teta’s questionnaire will help you find out which is the best way for your body to burn fat the fastest based on how your own hormones and metabolism actually works.

Take the quiz now or find out more about how this work here: click here.

CSIRO Wellbeing Program

This an Australian diet with everyday ingredients with easy to find and cook ingredients. The CSIRO diet includes all food groups and promotes safe and sustainable weight loss. Best of all: they allow you to eat chocolate and drink wine!! Yes, you read it, one or the other, little bits but at least you could still have it!

You may probably have seen the books in the shops for long now but currently, they have an online version that makes everything so much easier! And best of all, they offer a FULL REFUND when you successfully complete the program! That sounds pretty good to me.

Do you want a taste? How good these good boys look?

Download the Free Recipe Ebook.  If you make it, share it with us in our Facebook group

10 Day Weight Release Program

This is a Wellfulness exclusive.  This program will change the way you see food and healthy eating. Dieting doesn’t mean starving. You can have a burger for lunch. I’m not ashamed to say that burgers are one of my favourite food and this diet allow me to have it and still achieve my weight goals.

In only 10 days you can lose up to 5 kg with the bonus of a hypnosis weight release audio to help you keep on track.  Willpower is not an endless resource and the hypnosis audio will replenish it. Hypnotherapy is so helpful when you want to achieve a goal; it helps you create new wirings in your brain, helping you to break habits, topping up your willpower by visualising the outcome. Hypnosis is a good and safe way to create new programming in your brain.

I first followed this diet when I was getting married. I bought a dress one size down from my size and I was freaking out. I also wanted my wedding pictures not to be a reminder of my struggles with weight.  Last time I did it was last year, to lose the baby weight and fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes.

This diet will be the perfect start for anyone who doesn't like meal prep but wanting to healthily trim down a few kgs.

All the diet programs above mentioned are easy to follow,  ingredients are easy to get, easy to cook, are practical and don’t mess much with your lifestyle. I seriously didn’t miss much or craved anything during the time I was on these diets. I also didn’t even need to tell anyone that I was on a diet, which was great because there were no chances of people trying to sabotage it.

One thing to note is that there’s no such thing as one size fits all approach when it comes to losing weight. Results will vary depending on the metabolism of each person; it is always best to work with a nutritionist or dietitian to tailor a plan for you and always consult with your doctor or medical professional before starting any fitness program to make sure you don’t have any health conditions playing up with your weight.

However results may vary from person to person, with the above mentioned programs, you can still achieve positive results.

I’m sure there are many more healthy and good options in the market but these three are the ones I’ve tried and can recommend so far.

If you need help with setting and achieving your goals in 2019, click here

xx,

Claudia

Disclaimer: I am just a regular mum, not a fitness model or anything like that. I still have some weight to let go but I’m happy with where I am at with my body. I still follow these diets and recipes because I like them. My next one to try is The Healthy Mummy one. I’ll report back!  The above contains affiliate links but I only recommend what I have tested or considered using myself.

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Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Creating Resistance or Surrendering to the Experience. Choose Wisely

The past few weeks have not been great ones,  I’ve been chasing my tail with resistance showing up as procrastination, sabotaging myself with decisions (or the lack of them) and a few hiccups that go along with my low vibrations. I'm usually pretty good at getting out of this funk but I reached a new level.

I know that when I reach this point it is time to call for help and identify the block(s) that is(are) holding me back;  otherwise I’ll go in circles, digging a hole that deep that will limit my choices so before it happens I know that I have to stop it right there,  raise my hand and ask for help. I actually asked the universe to show me the right person to help me this time and Kathryn Galloway from Phoenix Intuitive Healing showed up.

It’s amazing how the Universe works, our conversation almost didn't happen, (Mercury retrograde?) but I'm glad it did.  We had the most amazing chat with lots and lots of ah-ha moments.

First one, with the amount of self-development work I’ve done over the past 15 years, I should be able to get out of the hole myself. Even healers need to heal so why should I be excluded?

Change is constant because we are constantly growing our souls, I think that is the whole purpose of our existence.

Kathryn is a psychic and intuitive coach and she is amazing! She didn’t know me prior to our call but spot on described what was holding me back, giving me an accurate picture of my problem and gave me pointers on what to do next.

Amongst other things, one of my problems was that I’ve been trying to micromanage the universe saying you need to do this and this way. The universe responds to my desires but not the way I wanted it to respond and that made me angry and not being grateful for it and creating resistance as a result.

I find it easier to accept an event when I have initiated it.  When someone else initiates change that affects me, my first reaction is to resist. However, everything that shows up in my life is the result of a vibration or, as Ho'oponopono says it, data in me.

Master Ho'oponopono with Dr Hew Len and Dr Joe Vitale

It may be an old memory that I don't like or  I may be not aware of that that has gone deep underground; like anger or hurt that I did not acknowledge at the time I first experienced it. I brushed it off and keep repeating the pattern because I failed to learn from it.

When we try to suppress emotion (especially one we've judged as negative or dangerous) it does not go away, it goes into our subconscious mind where it silently sabotages our life by setting up resistance which invites more negative experiences or at the very least not making any progress, not the one we wanted.

Resistance doesn't just put on the brakes to accomplish our goals but also disconnects us from listening to our inner voice, our true self. We lose our sense of wholeness. We feel disconnected from our true essence (higher self, or God or the Divine or however you want to call it). This disconnection begins to show up in how we feel about ourselves and how we relate to others. Soon, we begin to pick up arguments with everyone around us and blaming them for the situation. Had this ever happen to you?

What can we do about resistance?

Should we resist resistance?  That doesn't work either!  If we notice resistance and try to suppress it or resist it, we create MORE!

Acceptance is transcendence
Osho

The alternative is acceptance. Not resignation, but surrendering to the experience, going with the flow.

Change is bound to happen. People are going to make choices that may affect our lives and we are going to make choices which have an effect on others. 

How to know that you are creating resistance?

Take a few moments to notice resistance in your body, mind or emotions. How do you feel it?  Procrastination? Stress? Blockage? Frustration? Confusion? Anger? Yes, all those feelings are evidence of resistance.

Overcoming Resistance

There are many ways to overcome resistance like Hypnotherapy, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) which is one of my recent discoveries, Ho'oponopono but this time what I need to heal is my energy.

If you are experiencing resistance; it’s okay, you are growing and resistance is perfectly normal. Don’t dwell on it; surrender to the experience, change is going to happen. Use one of the techniques above mentioned, learn, feel it, overcome it. We all know that success is on the other side of that resistance.

If you want to work with Kathryn, I 100% recommend her, she is amazing! She didn’t know me prior to our call but spot on gave me an accurate description of the problem that is holding me back from achieving my goals and gave me pointers on what to do next. Contact Kathryn on her Facebook page.

[This post contains sponsored links but I test all that I recommend]

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5 Ways to Celebrate Chinese New Year and Improve your Wealth

Happy New Year! Wishing you Health, Wealth and Prosperity in this New Lunar Year of the Pig

The Year of the Earth Pig starts today, 5th February 2019, and ends on 24th January 2020.  

Good News! This is going to be a great year. In Chinese culture, pigs are the symbol of wealth;  it is a great year to make money, a good year to invest and a year where we are we are encouraged to find what makes us happy and do more of it.

Feng Shui, a Chinese art and science, is central in this New Year’s celebration being its main goal to create harmonious relationship between a person and his/her environment that will bring him/her wealth and wellness.  It is based on a Taoist idea that nature is alive and has energy in different forms.

Wealth in Feng Shui is not all about getting rich,  it is also means prosperity in your relationships and your health.

I’ve been a Feng Shui enthusiast for more than a decade and even though I am not a Chinese descendent I have big admiration for  this wonderful ancient culture and its connection with the cosmos and the environment.

Keep in mind that Feng Shui is only one third of the total cosmic trinity and success is determined by other factors like your efforts and willpower.

The Feng Shui practice can be as  as complicated or as simple as you want it to be. There are simple steps you can follow to bring harmony to your life or more complicated practices at more sophisticated level like  people planning it’s edifications around this.

5 Ways to Celebrate the Chinese New Year and welcome wealth and happiness into our life:

Clean up!

Yes! Declutter, declutter, declutter. Everything broken or not working should be out of your house. That way you’ll be saying out with the old and welcoming a new and fresh start. However, today is a day of celebrating not cleaning but keep it in mind as decluttering will bring good energy to your place.

Eat Dumplings

It is customary to eat dumplings in the New Year’s Eve, the 1st and the 5th day of the New Year to welcome wealth in the coming year. I think my family will be pretty happy with this one! We love dumplings!

Decorate with red items and wear red too!

Red is the colour for good luck; decorate with red lanterns with golden symbols and wear read or bright colours and try to avoid black or white just for today.

Watch the Dragon & Lion Dance

Oftenly mixed up, the Lion Dance has usually two acrobat performers inside a costume. Dragons often require more performers as it is a longer costume. They both dance to the tune of a band playing drums and gongs very loudly with the intention to scare away bad intentioned spirits.

Share a Meal with your Family and Friends

As in every other celebration date what is better than to have your family and/or friends together to share the joy. Avoid complaining and negative words, be grateful and positive to keep the good vibes up

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

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Are your ready to welcome miracles into your life?

 
Our subconscious mind rules our world and becoming aware of the limiting beliefs that are preventing us from achieving our goals will help us reverse the mistakes we are making.
 
Your current set of belief are the ones that are ruling your life and are creating your current reality. Interesting enough, your belief system influences your behaviour and the behaviours of others. Just notice when you are having a good day, everything seems to flow nicely isn't it? You may  find parking close to the supermarket door or you strangers smiling back at you. Like this:
 

 
Those beliefs are embedded in your unconcious mind, you get them from society, your community, parents and your own experiences.  Some of those beliefs help you thrive but some others can  be sabotaging your happiness, prosperity and success,  
 
Bestselling authors Marci Shimoff, Sue Morter, and Lisa Garr share with us the proven formula that reverses the top 4 unconscious mistakes so you can start living your life in The Miracle Zone! You'll learn how to easily shift your daily habits to make yourself a magnet for miracles.
 

It’s your time to start living a miraculous life!

 

You might already know Marci, Sue and Lisa.

What you probably don’t know is how they each struggled with their own low self-esteem, unfulfilling relationships, and lack of happiness and fulfillment until they discovered this formula for living in The Miracle Zone.

In this ebook, they share their deeply personal journeys of how they went from their “dark night of the soul” experiences to a place of deep healing.

Plus, Marci, Sue and Lisa give you simple, actionable steps to quickly reverse the unconscious behaviors that are blocking miracles from showing up in your life.

If you are ready to:

  • Put an end to the unconscious behavior
  • Transform self-criticism into self-love
  • Begin the effortless flow of miracles into your life!

 

If you want 2019 to be your year filled with abundance, deep fulfillment, and juicy relationships, then this is an ebook you need to read

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. We only promote techniques that we know works, either by our own experience or by trusted testimonial of people close to us.

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Recipe for Success: Set and Actually Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions in 2019

Last day of 2018!! So exciting.

If you were following us on Instagram, we were doing a few things in preparation to successfully setting our New Year's resolution and sticking to them.

I detailed them here:

Gratitude

Look back to 2018, there were many lessons to be learned. Make a list of all what you have achieved this year! Wow! Well done, good job!⁣ ⁣ Look around and name one thing you are grateful for. Now, think of 5!

Stop the Victim Mentality.

Do you know that you are in control of your own life? You can’t control how it all happens but you can steer yourself in the direction you are going. Stop being on the passenger’s seat of your own life, take the steering wheel and enjoy the ride.

Forgiveness

let’s free ourselves from emotional baggage.  Forgiving does not mean forgetting, condoning or assuming fault but letting go the resentment and get on with our lives. Download the Forgivess Step by Step Plan to help you with the process or read more in the blog.



With a refreshed mindset and a more peaceful soul, it is time to establish new resolutions for 2019!

Think about where you want to be financially, spiritually and physically at the end of 2019.

Your first step is to write down what exactly it is you that you want. Personal development or fitness or whatever is burning inside you and simply can no longer postpone, write it down.

Be Specific

I want to have more money and I want to be fit won’t cut it, it is too broad, your brain will take it as unattainable and too abstract, it will not even pursue it.

Let’s be more specific! I want to increase my income by 30%, I want to run the Sydney City to Surf  (running 14km from Hyde Park in Sydney's CBD to the finish line at Bondi Beach, NSW, Australia)  in August, I want to reduce 10 cm of my waist circumference. You got the idea.

And you know any of these will happen unless you take action, right?

Cool!

Plan it!

So how exactly are you going to implement these changes?  You are going to have a Plan of Action.

A plan of action is critical to your success.  Without a plan it is only a thought. When you add your wishes and thoughts to paper, combined it with an urge to see them become realities so you make a plan and proceed to do everything possible to take action, you have a template for success.

Be Realistic

It is important to note that your plan should have a realistic time frame.  For example, if your resolution is to trim down 10 kg, it is unrealistic to believe you can healthily do it in 3 days.

However, it is possible to healthily release 10 kg in 12 weeks with a proper plan. Set a realistic goal and break it down to healthy and achievable smaller milestones, say “X” kg per month (or what your doctor or training coach suggests).

Break it Down into Achievable Tasks

Now that you know what your specific desire is, list the ways in which you plan on achieving optimum results.  For example, if one of your resolutions was to get another job with a better offer or for career advancement. Then, think of the steps you need to follow like: update your resume, work on your interview skills, maybe engage a career coach or gain a new skill to take the next step on your career.

Answer these questions:

  • What do I have to do in order to achieve my goal?  
  • What do I need to do to see this plan come to completion?
  • Do I have all the resources I need to be successful in accomplishing this goal?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Set up a schedule outlining each step that needs to be taken daily to achieve weekly goals.  Be specific. Create a "to do" list, with short and easy actionable steps and hold yourself accountable.  At the end of the week you will be able to see how much you were able to accomplish. Congratulate yourself for each accomplishment.

Celebrate your Achievements!

Have your own personal reward system in place.  Know what each reward will be for each accomplishment that you have fulfilled throughout your plan.  With every desired result you achieve there should be a reward for having done so. An incentive plan customized to your wants.

Have a backup plan when things don’t go your way and for setbacks (mine is self-care and meditation with the aim to raise my vibrations). Do not let yourself get disheartened.  If you have a temporary lapse or deviation from the plan acknowledge it and continue to move forward with your plan.

Change takes time, patience and perseverance.

Take the time to nurture and understand it. Success is a process and will not be achieved in one day, trust in your plan of action, your plan is your future.

Happy New Year!

With love and appreciation,

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Forgiveness: From pain to freedom

At some point in our lives, all of us have felt mistreated by another person, a relative, a boss, a colleague or a friend. We felt hurt, angry or resentful. This is a natural reaction and part of being human. However, if we leave this issues unresolved or fail to come to terms with it, it will drive our actions and bring negativity to our lives.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or condoning what happened, or assuming the fault; nor is it condemning the other person or seeking justice or compensation. Forgiveness is letting go of the resentment, no longer seeking revenge.

Forgiving will allow us to get on with our lives and to open up our minds and hearts to new ways of seeing others, the world and ourselves. It releases energy that can be used for other, more productive thoughts and actions.

When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power.”

Anonymous

 

Are you ready to start a 2019 free of emotional baggage?

Download your Free Step by Step Plan. Forgiveness: from pain to freedom 



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Wellfulness Tips for a Balanced Life

No one is perfect,  please stop being so hard on yourself.

It is impossible to have perfect days every day, to be happy and not worry about anything. The more we try to make every day perfect and not to feel anxious about it, the more anxious about it we feel and then guilt: how can I possibly feel this way with all the good things I have? Oh no! We all have been there at one point.
Life presents challenges, that is a fact, what is possible is to be in peace with yourself even during those challenging moments, and that is what matters and you can achieve that by finding balance in your life.
Here are my top tips to achieve that balance:

Meditation

Set the intention of the day, relax your mind, feel energised. Guided, self-guided or just taking mindful minutes to yourself makes a huge difference in your overall senses of wellness. Check out this blog on achieving mindfulness with meditation

Mindset

Mindset is the key to be successful on any task. You know how the popular say goes: either you think you can or you can’t, you are correct.

Set Goals & Prioritise

Feeling stuck? Well, you need to set goals. Our anxiety comes from the unmet expectation of how our lives should look like and how it is. Good news: is up to you to close that gap! by making changes by either managing your expectations (I am at the right place, at the right moment and at the right time) or by making actual changes to your life. How? answer this question: What does need to change that will make your life better? Focus on the answer, not on the problems or *cough* excuses. List everything, what is going good and what is not going so good, in all the aspects of your life. Then, take the ones you feel need improvement and after that focus on the easiest task, the achievable one. Start there. Tip to trick your conscious to move past the excuses: “If I could do it, how would I do it? This is my favourite one!!

Good nutrition

We are what we eat. Try to avoid highly processed food or with high sugar content. It’s been proven that sugar may be a contributor to depression. Drink more water, always. Also, stop labelling food, there is not such a thing as good or bad food. All food is good, full stop, you need to be mindful of the impact it has on your body, full stop, moderation is key.

Self-Care

Listen to some soothing music you like. Soak in a nice warm bath. Simply take a break from your stressful workload and spend the day just goofing around doing the things you love.

Aromatherapy and Essential Oils

Each kind of essential oil have their own properties and characteristics, blending a selection of essential oils together in an aromatherapy diffuser can make wonders to relax, inspire, improve sleep, cope with stress, weight loss and have healing properties.
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Spirit Animals on the Spotlight: A key to find your soul purpose

Are you trying to work out what your life purpose is? Why don't asking yourself what my spirit animal is? Spirit animals can provide guidance and finally helps us get answers.

Are you really talking about Spirit Animals?

Look, I know what you are thinking, all this spirit animal thing sounds so mystical, and it is usually disregarded or subject of jokes but if you observe it with a curious mind maybe it is the key to finding out your soul purpose.

The Spirit animal concept comes from centuries ago, many cultures like the Incas, native American, Egyptians and the Australian Aboriginal people incorporate the notion that each human being has a spiritual connection to another physical being: plant or animals.

Many will still think that this is a childish game but how is that belief serving you? So why not giving it a go?  Open your mind and find guidance on the symbolism an animal represents.

You may discover a more prosperous life with greater meaning, find a new respect for nature and love for all animals, big and small, start trusting the signs you receive from the universe welcoming synchronicities and opening yourself to a new way to know and love yourself.

I have to be honest with you

I felt the same way about it until a couple of nights ago that my friend texted me a picture of a dragonfly because “you like them so much” and it sparked my curiosity. I like them so much because in one way or another they always are present in my life and when I see one I feel at peace.

The dragonfly IS my spirit animal!

Before then, if you ever asked me about my spirit animal, I would've said something bigger like a dolphin or a tiger; like if an insect can’t be my spirit animal as has to be something with more authority like a tiger or something cute like a dolphin. It’s not about that, it’s about the meaning! Duh! Beliefs, right?

How to find your spirit animal.

Your spirit animal is the one that always shows up in your life, and no matter what, you always see it, around you, on TV, magazines, books etc. They’re always showing up in your life. Ask your friends also: is there any animal that I randomly always mention?

According to experts, a person can have multiple spirit animals and even have an animal showing up to give them insights and assistance on a solution to a problem. It is said that we, as human beings, possess at least one Spirit Animal, or totem, in our lifetimes that serve as our personal protectors, guides, helpers and companions. But usually, it is common for us to have many Spirit Animal helpers throughout different periods of our lives. Animals that show up to teach us a particular lesson or provide the guidance we need at that very moment.

Meditate and ask you Spirit Animal to show up!

Keep your eyes open, you are more connected to this world than you want to think. All the noise in the world make us believe that we humans don’t belong to nature, see what we’ve done to our beautiful beaches with all the plastic pour into the ocean? It’s time to change and find our way back to nature!

It is easy to miss the message. If I missed it, so can you!

You may say it was obvious that the dragonfly is my spirit animal, look around you and see the evidence (refer to pics and you'll know what I mean), you even have it in your logo, you silly!!

I know!

How could I possibly miss it?

Because I wasn't paying attention! or I didn't want to believe in it.

I have always been captivated by dragonflies.  All over the years, I’ve collected many items that symbolise dragonflies including gifts from friends and relatives. I never thought of any deeper meaning than “I like dragonflies” full-stop.

But what was the meaning of it? I found this article online explaining that seeing dragonflies mean that your thoughts create reality and when a dragonfly totem shows into your world means: “here are lessons to be learned, and “what you think” is directly proportional to what you “see on the surface.”  Your thoughts are responsible for your physical surroundings. Thus, your Dragonfly meaning tells you that you must move through these illusions and “think” your dreams into reality.”

Then goes into saying “People with this insect as their spirit animal utilise light to create illusions and to transform consciousness. They are always ready to handle the future. Therefore, they continually seek knowledge and wisdom.”

That knowledge and wisdom that I now share with you, to let you know that your belief system is the one that is creating the reality you live in and if you don't like it, you are the only one who can change it so you live your life to the fullest.

Hello!??!! Seriously! How did I miss it all these years? Look at the evidence!! (this is just a small sample)

Do you think your spirit animal can be the key to find your life purpose? Which is your spirit animal?

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